All posts tagged TMNT


“Can we get tattoos? I wanna get one of my face on my face!” – Mikey


We’ve all been there Mikey




Michael Bay is filming a “reboot” of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles due next year, and he will destroy all our childhood memories by taking out the “mutant” factor in the concept by replacing the idea that the turtles are actually an alien race.

There goes our childhood… 

Look normally I roll my eyes at stuff that’s nostalgia whining but come the fuck on

Tmnt was a ridiculous fun cartoon and movie series and this is just the worst film creators make transformers mark 2 and I don’t want that :((((

Michael Bay should NEVER touch an already established franchise ever again… They should get Frank Miller instead. TMNT, Sin City-style, as it should be.

How does anyone old enough to type still care about this? Nostagidiots will see it because it’s a nostalgic brand and they’re idiots. Idiots will see this because they’re idiots. With all due respect to Eastman and Laird, there’s nothing redeeming about Ninja Turtles, Teenage, Mutant or otherwise. There was never any governing ideology behind the franchise, and it’s been spun and respun enough times that Michael Bay can’t do anything to it that hasn’t already been done. It’s a relic from your past when you were a lot dumber.

If you consider all of your childhood memories are tied up in TMNT, no matter how angry you are now, you are going to see this movie. Oh, you might believe now that you’ll never see it because you hate Michael Bay and you object to what he’s doing.

But just like Bob Kelso’s dog Baxter, you’ve already crawled into this issue, and you’re going to be in it until about two hours after its midnight release. Make no mistake; you’ll justify it somehow. Maybe you’ll tell everyone that you only watched it so you can properly criticize it, and trust me you’ll have to tell everyone whenever you mention the movie. It won’t be the weight of social pressure to explain why you watched a terrible movie either, nonono: no one else knows or cares about that. You’ll rip on the movie then explained why you forked over $10 to see a movie because deep down, you’re ashamed. Ashamed that after all this time, even when you knew it was wrong, you bent down in front of Michael Bay and gave him money to eat a shit sandwich because of an afternoon cartoon that you still obsess about.

For the rest of your life, no matter how bad you rip it, no matter how thoroughly you deconstruct it, you added to the bottom line of another intellectual property turd squeezed how by Hollywood, which knows–as far any fat, bloated, oblivious organism can–that your behavior is no different from that of the rest of the morons who saw this just because of the brand. The only difference–the only difference–is that while your critiques reveal brown-stained teeth and projectile shit-spittle, all those morons have decency to keep their mouths shut and give a tight-lipped smile.

Besides, Turtles Forever was the peak of the franchise: