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Bria: Don’t tell me the numbers. We’re falling back.
Rulah: Gahncai, break another hole in a wall.
Gahncai: Lil help?
Bria: Burn those goblins off of him.
Rulah: On it. Can you keep the rest at bay with one arm?
Bria: For a bit. If nothing else, I’ll pretend to die and you two should make a run for it.

It’s a solid episode and we’re being mean. It’s not “about” anything in the Star Trek sense. We don’t have a debate about whether Data’s loyalty to Picard is based on its own merits or obedience to the chain of command.

We don’t discuss the ramifications of keeping the existence of a dangerous planet hidden, of how Starfleet can’t keep this secret, or of how Ensign Jeffers on Deck 21 won’t consent to have his memories wiped and will hide a note in a bulkhead.

I believe Derek was talking about Elrond, who probably has a stronger brand than Gowron (RIP). Also, my comment about getting “them off of their tractors” is a reference to Futurama’s jab at Hollywood’s underestimation of Middle America, not a jab at Middle America.

But is this the limit of Patrick Stewart’s acting or is this just excellent bad-acting?

The Beige and The Bold is available on iTunes, Stitcher, and other podcasting platforms. It updates Sunday nights at 12:00 PM ET / 11:00 PM CT.

No surprise this one was a reworked Phase II story, which I’m surprised that I–having read the Phase II scripts–didn’t catch. It makes a lot of sense when you view this through the lens of The Original Series. Or maybe just through the lens of TOS’ lowered expectations.

Making legal quibbles might be criticizing deck chair colors on a sinking ship, but that’s my specialty. They call “jury trials” “jury trials,” but they call “judge trials” just “trials.” That’s my only point–THEY HAD A JAG OFFICER IN SEASON TWO!

This episode isn’t bad, it’s just goofy nonsense that’s not really goofy enough. It’s a good concept too–this is basically the plot of Watchmen a thousand years on, with sleight-of-hand instead of a giant, exploding, telepathic squid.

Of all the takes, “Devil’s Due” is the least cynical, but they’re based on a reality of our own actions. Does global warming reflect poorly on humanity, or just our most powerful members?

Reminding you that if you’re listening to a Star Trek podcast you are–statistically–one of those members.

Also, Constantin Stanislavsky was a real actor, Stella Adler was a real lady, and Garnav is made up, so exactly what we thought.

Link to the opening credits of “Dawn of the Dead”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdddUJWIj_M

And link to Mitchell and Webb’s “Remain Indoors”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WsuaYh_hkg&list=PL3Dx8Yxab-uFpPdulB4g2rw5bpJIFlcPU

It’s also the plot of South Park’s “Nobody Got Cereal?” episode, which WAS goofy enough. http://southpark.cc.com/clips/t83thg/just-plain-rice

The Beige and The Bold is available on iTunes, Stitcher, and other podcasting platforms. It updates Sunday nights at 12:00 PM ET / 11:00 PM CT.

Rulah: 5, 10, 15…
Bria: Why don’t you wear armor?
Rulah: I do, I just don’t wear thirty kilograms of plate mail. I’m going to check on Gahncai’s flank.
Bria: It’s Shadow Iron!
Rulah: But it can’t protect everything!
Gahncai: All armor is ridiculous.
Rulah: 5, 10, 15…
Bria: Common fallacy; armor has flaws, but even useful things have flaws.
Gahncai: What about chinks in your armor?
Bria: I’d rather have flawed armor than no—ow!
Rulah: What?
Bria: Nothing. Just a small…knife in my elbow.

We’re finally out of the war and Star Trek: Discovery has set a completely different tone with Science Officer Douchenozzle, Engineer Barzan Lady, and Captain Cool Dad.

Derek and I both were hoping for a season with a little more focus than the last, but it looks like Captain Cool Dad was right, “if you don’t get your expectations up, you can’t be disappointed.” On the other hand, we give the complete absence of first-Klingon-in-Starfleet Voq nineteen Klingon chromosomes out of twenty three.

Are we asking too much of this show? I feel like I’m being very fair. Is Derek now a real Star Trek fan now that he’s saying new Star Trek Thing isn’t Star Trek? I’m so proud!

Season 2, Episode 1 of Star Trek: Discovery is currently on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rvMqRrtmkY

Don’t read the comments.

Her Name Is Michael Get Over It is available on iTunes, Stitcher, and other podcasting platforms. It updates Sunday nights at 12:00 PM ET / 11:00 PM CT.

A Lair Somewhere #27

Rulah: We’ve got to asses which flank is the greater threat.

Bria: Great. Gahncai! How many goblins do you have over there

Gahncai: A lot. You

Bria: Quite a few

Rulah: RRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggh!!!!!!!